to the wolves | the work of matt heft

New Year’s day (an old one)

So here i am drinking a beer, doing some midnight laundry. Today is newyears day. A day away from the world.

 I drank a cup of coffee today, against the backside of a  run down shopping plaza. The sun warmed me to comfort as sharp blusters threatened. The leaves and newspapers found crevices and corners amongst the morning winds to rest in.

I visited a friend and helped him clean his apartment. We spoke dearly of family and fantasies. We laughed as the cat stalked papers twitching with the wind through his patio door. It’s what we needed.

I made a dinner of seared pork tenderloin with caramelized onions, garlic and red wine over brown rice. I watched the moment closely, stirring. Attending to my food. Lovingly investing. I have made love so rarely in the kitchen over the last year.

I ate alone.

And this all brings me home. Looking back on a long day, with not a lot to say. It was. And now I’m appreciating the soft of the ending of it all. Tomorrow I’ll go back. But now right now. This is why I’m here. For todays. For soft days, days I can ride through, days I can float on.

I’ve had revelations of late. Mind you, the thoughts that I cherish and the ghosts I run from are still with me. But I think it’s time to fight. To live what I need.

All I have is  Now.

I miss the fam.

I refuse to look back and wish. I have very clear concepts of what I value. And it’s just about time to find what I need.  Time to focus

 to regroup.

Posted on Oct 21, 2011

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